And so I'm in India. Kolkata, to be exact, although many of you will know it better as Calcutta. It's in the North East of India. And I'm living it up like a millionaire. If a slightly reluctant, half embarrassed one, at that.
You see, I'm not used to opulence. God help me if I suddenly sell a multi-book or movie deal. Kolkata is very much split into the 'haves' and 'have-nots', with shanty towns next to glass and chrome buildings, with Internet whizz kids standing on buses next to people who don't even know what a PC is. India is undergoing rapid social and economic change. and it shows everywhere, like a butterfly emerging from a cocoon while the other cocoons around it are yet to open.
That said, I have never seen such a sense of community. Ever.
And because of this, I'm being put up at the ITC Sonar hotel, a five star millionaire's playground, where security stop all cars entering and check beneath the bonnet and hood for explosives, where you walk through a metal detector to enter the hotel itself and where security stands at every corner. I have never been so safe. But then, what else do you expect from the guy who wrote Batman Returns.
I know, I didn't - but at least one of the Kolkata papers seems to think that I did, and the talk I did last night started with 'You've read his books - you've seen his movies', so I do wonder exactly how many of the audience last night actually knew me for who I was and how many hoped that Christian Bale would pop by.
Of course, he could have been there for all I knew, as Jetlag had really kicked in by that point - I arrived at Kolkata airport at 4pm, was whisked through security with celebrity writer chum Jake Arnott (also doing talks here), picked up by a car and brought to the hotel by 5pm where the lovely Dr Debanjan Chakrabarti awaited. I had a quick twenty minutes to freshen up and then we were off to Starmark, a bookstore in South Kolkata, very much in the Barnes & Noble mode - where I had close to a hundred people waiting - most likely for 'that Batman guy'. There were more press cameras, TV crews and journalists here than I've pretty much had in total all my comics career, and everything I did turned into photo opportunities. I picked up a Midnight Kiss - click. I spoke about Dracula - click.
It was incredibly surreal, even more so considering the fact that I had pretty much flown from London straight here with about two house sleep in thirty hours, but I think I weathered the storm, and I was told afterwards that because of my talk, today's lecture has almost doubled in figures. Which is wonderful. After that I met back with Jake at a swanky floating hotel called the 'Floatel' which apparently isn't really a floating hotel - no, I don't understand either - where a British Council reception was held for us, where we also met many of the other people we'll be seeing along the journey we're both taking over the next few days.
I had my first food in thirty hours, never being a fan of airline food, and of course it was incredibly hot curry...
I did get to see some of night time Kolkata though. I have no earthly idea, however how there isn't a car accident every ten minutes. These guys are crazy.
Right. Off to be a University lecturer. Do I need a tweed jacket for this, or what?
